One Day
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‘I just think it’ll carry less emotional weight if it’s written by me. Just write what you honestly feel.’
‘Well I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. “I’d like to thank the caterers, and by the way I’m scared shitless.”’ He squinted into the darkness. ‘Are you sure this is working? It feels like we’re going further in.’
‘Trust me.’
‘Anyway, I don’t want you to write the whole thing, just give it a polish. .’
‘Sorry, you’re on your own there.’ They came to a halt at a three-way junction.
‘We’ve definitely been here before.’
‘Just trust me. We keep going.’
They walked on in silence. Nearby the band had segued into Prince’s ‘1999’, to cheers from the guests. ‘When I first heard this song,’ said Emma, ‘I thought it was science-fiction. 1999. Hover cars and food in pill form and holidays on the moon. Now it’s here and I’m still driving a Fiat bloody Panda. Nothing’s changed.’
‘’Cept I’m a family man now.’
‘A family man. Good God, aren’t you scared?’
‘Sometimes. But then you look at some of the idiots who manage to raise kids. I keep telling myself, if Miffy Buchanan can do it, how hard can it be?’
‘You can’t take babies to cocktail bars, you know. They get funny about that kind of thing.’
‘S’okay. I’m going to learn to love staying in.’
‘But you’re happy?’
‘Yeah? I think I am. Are you?’
‘Happier. Happyish.’
‘Happyish. Well, happyish isn’t so bad.’
‘It’s the most we can hope for.’ The fingertips of her left hand passed across the surface of a statute that seemed familiar, and now Emma knew exactly where they were. Turning right, and then left would bring them out into the rose garden again, back into the party, back to his fianc'ee and their friends, and there would be no more time to talk. She suddenly felt a startling sadness, so stopped for a moment, turned and took both of Dexter’s hands in her own.
‘Can I say something? Before we go back to the party?’
‘Go on.’
‘I’m a little drunk.’
‘Me too. That’s okay.’
‘Just. . I missed you, you know.’
‘I missed you too.’
‘But so, somuch, Dexter. There were so many things I wanted to talk to you about, and you weren’t there—’
‘Same here.’
‘And I feel a little guilty, sort of running away like that.’
‘Did you? I didn’t blame you. There were times when I was being a little. . obnoxious.’
‘More than a little, you were bloody awful—’
‘I know—’
‘Selfish, and stuck-up and boring actually—’
‘Yes, you’ve made that point—’
‘But even so. I should have stuck it out a bit, what with your mum and everything—’
‘That’s no excuse though.’
‘Well, no, but it was bound to give you a knock.’
‘I’ve still got that letter you wrote. It’s a very beautiful letter, I appreciated it.’
‘But still, I should have tried harder to get in touch. You’re meant to stick by your friends aren’t you? Take the blow.’
‘I don’t blame you—’
‘But even so.’ To her embarrassment, she found that there were tears in her eyes.
‘Hey, hey, what’s up, Em?’
‘I’m sorry, drunk too much is all. .’
‘Come here.’ He put his arms around her, his face against the bare skin of her neck, smelling shampoo and damp silk, and she breathed into his neck, his aftershave and sweat and alcohol, the smell of his suit, and they stood like this for a while until she caught her breath and spoke.
‘I tell you what it is. It’s. . when I didn’t see you, I thought about you every day, I mean every dayin some way or another—’
‘Same here—’
‘—even if it was just “I wish Dexter could see this” or “where’s Dexter now?” or “Christ, that Dexter, what an idiot”, you know what I mean, and seeing you today, well, I thought I’d got you back — my bestfriend. And now all this, the wedding, the baby — I’m so, so happy for you, Dex. But it feels like I’ve lost you again.’
‘Lost — how?’
‘You know what happens, you have a family, your responsibilities change, you lose touch with people—’
‘Not necessarily—’
‘No really, it happens all the time, I know it. You’ll have different priorities, and all these new friends, nice young couples that you met at ante-natal classes who’ll have babies too and understand, or you’ll be too tired because you’ve been up all night—’
‘Actually, we’re going to have one of those babies that aren’t too much trouble. Just leave them in a room apparently. With a tin opener, a little gas stove.’ He could feel her laughter against his chest, and at that moment he thought that there was no better feeling than making Emma Morley laugh. ‘It won’t be like that, I promise.’
‘Do you?’
‘Absolutely.’
She pulled away to look at him. ‘You swear? No more disappearing?’
‘I won’t if you won’t.’
Their lips touched now, mouths pursed tight, their eyes open, both of them stock still. The moment held, a kind of glorious confusion.
‘What’s the time?’ said Emma, twisting her face away in panic.
Dexter tugged his sleeve and looked at his watch. ‘Just coming up to midnight.’
‘Well! We should go.’
They walked on in silence, unsure about what had happened and what would happen next. Two more turnings brought them once again to the exit of the maze, and back to the party. Emma was about to open the heavy oak door when he took her hand.
‘Em?’
‘Dex?’
He wanted to take hold of her hand and walk back into the maze. He would turn his phone off, and they would just stay in there until the party was over, get lost and talk about all that had happened.
‘Friends again?’ he said eventually.
‘Friends again.’ She let go of his hand. ‘Now, let’s go and find your fianc'ee. I want to congratulateher.’
CHAPTER FOURTEEN. Fathering
SATURDAY 15 JULY 2000